Motorcycles: They Make You Cool.

So, I went shopping today. In the six-mile drive, I spotted at least ten motorcycles... And decided I needed to rant about it. Motorcycles do not automatically make you cool. Your motorcycle's capacity to make loud noises and drive in the wrong line are not directly related to how cool you are. A fake ponytail makes you look like an absolute loser who is desperate for attention.

Now, I generally class motorcycles into two groups: Harleys, and motorcycles that aren't a sign of a midlife crisis. Buying a Harley (Or some cheap mimic) generally comes across as being an attention whore. You've chosen a hyper-masculine vehicle that you are bound to let go to your head. The Asian motorcycles... Not so much. Their designs generally bring to mind fuel-efficiency and/or speed.

The next issue I have with cyclists is that some just can't pull off the look. A neon-yellow T-shirt isn't the look. A bright blue jacket isn't the look. Motorcycles look the best when the wearer is in dark-colored clothing. Why? They just do. Also: Don't have your 250 pound wife on the back of the motorcycle. Just don't. That doesn't make you a "badass biker and his bitch"... It makes you "trailer trash".

Lastly, and this one gets it's own section,never wear a fake ponytail. When you take off that helmet... And your ponytail goes with it... Everyone who saw it just lost all respect for you. You don't need a ponytail to ride a motorcycle. If you've got a fake ponytail on; it just shows that you're extremely desperate and pretending to be someone you're not. If you're that lonely and pathetic, you may as well write a blog.